Optimism

Optimism has always been one of the top qualities I’ve had. I’ve always been hoping what opportunities could come directly towards me with the hard work into those goals. I will consider my life valuable if my success criteria are met. The three main goals that I want to pursue are becoming either an animator or a senior concept artist, transitioning from female to male and having a “family”. To begin, art and cartoons have always been a part of my life from childhood up until now. My father was a graphic designer for a few companies in my hometown, New York. Unfortunately, his business wasn’t successful due to the lack of 99papers reviews  from viewers. On the other hand, he did influence me with various types of software and demonstrated videos of artists painting fictional characters such as Spiderman.

He would tell me many 99 papers review of his childhood and I would illustrate them based on the details. My father and I would watch cartoons together such as Tom and Jerry, Animaniacs, Dexter's Laboratory, My Life as a Teenage Robot, Danny Phantom, Kim Possible and many others. I was always fascinated by the way the animators would tell the stories of the characters and how they overcame their flaws. I heavily perceive flaws and blemishes would make a character more interesting since they’re being used to convey an image that characters can be human. I would also be influenced by the art styles of anime and manga because of how colourful and expressive the animation was. Since my dad’s career didn’t go so well, I thought I could be that one family member who has a career related to art and it would go successful. Previously, I wanted to go into law, medicine and police work, but it wasn’t a good career path for me since they required so much knowledge and effort. I can’t put a notably amount of effort into a subject that I don’t care about. I began drawing some of my characters into their timeline at a very young age.

I was always told I was a good artist and how imaginative I was. Eventually, in the eighth grade, I finally decided I wanted to go into animation because of how animators can bring characters into life with movement or stop-motion. I told my father about the career I wanted and he supported it with full respect. He then bought me Photoshop CC, Clip Studio and a graphics tablet because of my interest in digital art and how animators do everything digitally. In the summer of 2019, which I am soon going to be a senior, I discovered concept art for the video game industry. I never knew you can make designs for the characters, their environments, their equipment and other things. If the animation doesn’t work out as I wanted, I could always go into becoming a senior concept artist. On the flip side note, I have high hopes of becoming an animator as my Plan A. To continue, for most of my life, I always felt there was something different about me. I’ve always been questioning “was I meant to be in this body?”.

I wasn’t okay with the idea of putting me into the female category in some situations. I didn’t like the idea of going through puberty since at a younger age, you can look androgynous. I couldn’t deal with the fact, I had female body parts such as breasts and curves. My family knew there was something off and I knew too. I’ve always hated when I was placed into dresses, nor I wasn’t allowed to be put into the boy’s section of events. I knew I was placed into the wrong body. My dysphoria didn’t allow me to let others call me “she’’ or “her”. During freshman year, I came out as transgender. I didn’t tell anybody from my school, otherwise I feared I would get treated differently. I moved into my aunt’s house during the summer of grade 9 because the mistreatment I would get from my mother. Although, my aunt was a wonderful lady who took care of me better than my own mother could ever, she thought me being trans was a phase. I have been lying for two years, because I wanted to keep on living with them. I used my dad’s credit card ( he gave me permission) to purchase a chest binder off the internet. When it arrived, I felt a little bit better knowing my chest was flat. Now in junior year I could pass without unfamiliar faces knowing I am a biological female. Because I pretended to be a cisfemale, I couldn’t pass as much as I wanted to. My aunt did question why I was binding my chest. Thankfully, I am good at lying and I told her it was for exercise reasons.

I sometimes run and usually female runners have their chest bounce everytime they would run. Someday, I will have my own house in Los Angeles and a good paying occupation that will allow me to go on hormones along with top surgery. I heavily believe transitioning will help out with my gender dysphoria and make things easier for me. Furthermore, families are complicated to deal and sort out, therefore I’d choose not to have a full family. What I mean by this, is a conservative family like a father, a mother and children. I cannot deal with the stress of worrying about what’s going to happen to my children or the time to spend with them. I personally value occupations over work and I’m not sure if my spouse would feel the same. On the other hand, I would have my aunt live with me and have a wife. I want my aunt to live with me, because of the fact that she took care of me like her own child throughout my adolescent life. She is the most generous and caring person I know.

Although we do fight immensely and disagree on various topics, but that won’t get in the way of how much I love her. She is the only family member that will take me in after running away from my parents. My aunt, Ayesha Karim Khan, raised me to be the best of her ability way better than my own mother. I should be letting her live in my future apartment, so things would be a good balance. Now on to me having a spouse. Although I am bisexual, I do prefer women and I am most likely going to have more romantic feelings toward women. I feel having a wife would make me more “whole”. I would like the both of us to have equal responsibilities such as cooking, paying the bills and maintaining decisions. I would be happier if I were in a committed relationship, even though I am currently struggling with commitments. Hopefully, the three of us can live in a peaceful environment. To sum it up, having a promising future will make me work harder in order to pursue my goals. I believe if an individual knows what they want to accomplish, their goals will meet faster. I hope to have a loving family, transition from female to male and become an animator or a senior concept artist.